20SomethingMom chronicles of a young mom

The Social Stigma of Contraception and AbortionPosted by admin on June 18th, 2009

My musings about yesterday’s post on unplanned pregnancy continued long after I clicked “Publish.”  As the content of sex ed classes is a water-cooler topic in NC right now, I have been thinking about the pregnancy prevention issue from a variety of angles.

It should come as no surprise that I despise the abstinence-only approach.  I see no value in skirting the issues altogether.  Since when has that been a true solution to anything?  Hoping that teenagers forego risque makeout sessions in favor of hand-holding and deep conversation is a leap of faith that is grounded in worse logic than any organized religion.

As someone not so far removed from several years of “sex ed” (just another term for giving kids an excuse to giggle and tell dirty jokes), I know there are plenty of questions that need to be answered that are never even given a platform.  A sterile classroom is about as comfortable as a gynecologist’s office.  For one thing, there seems to be an unspoken rule that sex ed teachers must be the oldest, most out-of-touch members of the faculty that the administration can track down.  Who wants to ask a woman who no longer menstruates how to use a tampon?  Even if valid information is put forth, kids will not take it seriously unless it is taught with a hip sensitivity, and that includes acknowledging the role of technology in young relationships (sexting, anyone?).

Then, there are the facts that males and females are no longer separated for sex ed in most schools, there is no mention of homosexuality as a reality (much less an option), and the positive side of a healthy sex life is pushed under the proverbial rug.  No wonder teens learn everything they know from glossy magazine pages aimed at deluding the truth, then practice it in movie theaters, dorm rooms, or worse, on street corners.

There is something to be said for learning through experience, but if you have no background information to apply, nor any standards by which to measure that experience, your vision of a complete or normal relationship becomes clouded by the few in which you play a part.

So, what needs to be done to mend the frayed wires of communication?  Adults, especially parents, need to get over their own hang-ups about talking to their kids at a young age because, as the evening news has documented, sexual experimentation is beginning earlier and earlier.  You can’t blame subliminal messages when your child contracts an STD at 13 if, at 9 or 10, you never bothered to inform them of its existence.  Sex ed needs to be real.  While that includes giving teens contraception or access thereto, it also means straying from the syllabus and getting them to talk to each other.  Instead of moderating a stark, embarrassing discussion about anatomy, educators need to leave kids to their own devices.  If an honest setting is provided, teenagers will be surprisingly frank (see the Dr. Drew show Sex…with Mom and Dad).

Another, much more rugged piece of this attitude-shifting terrain is the grand irony that lies in our contraceptive views.  Many (old, prudish, conservative) people like to look down upon those who are met with a less-than-desirable fate, like HIV or unexpected pregnancy, as a result of a sexual act.  Yet, these same people refuse to distribute condoms to teenagers, much less demonstrate how to use them.  They say it is the kids’ choice, and leave them to their meager means when crisis strikes.

It is all very epic, very Spanish Inquisition, to label the sexually active heathens and menaces in a world of order.  When they cannot afford (or stealthily acquire) birth control, and their parents and teachers are trying to suppress their hormonal urges, teenagers will do nothing but have lots of unprotected sex.  The only difference between them and the snobs telling them to control themselves is that the consequences are written all over their young bodies and future decisions.  I saw firsthand in my tenure at a ritzy liberal arts college that to the wealthy and powerful, the next best thing to plastic surgery is abortion.  Yes, those are the same wealthy and powerful who donate to pro-life charities and turn a blind eye when duct-taped protesters set up camp (or go on a rampage) at an abortion clinic.

Either we arm our offspring with the tools they need to maintain sexual health, or their own misinformed offspring will show us why we should have.

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