20SomethingMom chronicles of a young mom

Teaching Our Kids About Human NaturePosted by admin on July 8th, 2009

How much worrying is too much?

When we fear all the bad things that can happen to our kids — specifically things that are perpetrated by child predators — what are we teaching them about human nature?

I love pondering existential topics such as this, but like many parents, I wonder where the line should be drawn between theory and the practice of parenting.

My obsession with human rights coincides with my belief in the essential goodness of humanity.  I don’t think people can be categorized as either “good” or “evil.”  This even applies to the most notorious of human figures: the Hitlers, the Saddams, the bin Ladens.  We don’t want to associate ourselves with these members of the human community, nor do we want to imagine that each of us is capable of committing similar atrocities.  But we are inextricably associated with them all, and we are capable of the same wrongdoing.

By collectively denying these facts, we breed generation after generation of paranoid warmongers and spend our lives trying to prove to ourselves, our communities, our deities that we are part of the good group.

This hits home when we project the products of our powerful imaginations upon our children.  They can’t ride their bikes down the street because we are afraid they will be kidnapped.  They can’t talk to strangers because people are apparently guilty until proven innocent when it comes to neighborly relations.

Yes, children get kidnapped, murdered, and raped.  But these dangers existed long before mass media allowed the stories, and the fear, to spread like wildfire.  Sometimes I think I should follow in my grandmother’s footsteps and keep a baseball bat next to my bed, but then I come to my senses.

That’s all it takes, really.  Common sense.  We need to wake up and realize that not everyone is out to get us.  The fact that terrible things comes to pass is somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy.  The more frightened you are, the greater target you will seem and the more likely you’ll be to exaggerate negative outcomes.

We should certainly equip our children with survival skills and teach them to follow their gut instincts, but often that means standing on the same side as the people with whom we have misunderstandings.

In my eyes, learning to recognize opportunities for establishing positive relationships is more important than steering clear of discomfort because of the remote possibility of danger.  I may be too trusting, though.

Are you a paranoid parent?  Where do you draw the line?

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