Nurturing UrgencyPosted by admin on August 15th, 2009
I wonder if I was born impatient. When I get an idea, I have to make it happen immediately. I can’t wait around for other people to help me, or for something to occur naturally. It’s a control issue, no doubt, and can be quite dangerous. I’ve been known to make decisions that appear rash, though I have clearly considered every angle — for a good day or so.
The intersection of urgency and motherhood is a most interesting place.
Not only does a baby never cooperate with the desire to rush…out the door, through a meal, or down the street, but he understands the exact method that will test your plans the most. There will be no lazily traipsing down the sidewalk to the park hand in hand; he will refuse to be touched and head for the middle of the street, where he’ll proceed to sit quietly until you attempt to move him. Here, and in the bathtub, the store, the car seat, he’ll then engage the one move we all know as urgency’s worst enemy: the I-have-no-muscles move. He’ll become a blob of back-breaking weight, and you’ll never get to that urgent thing.
Toddlers are also especially good at playing independently until you have to work, or until you make an important phone call. Then, all bets are off.
Impatience can be about more than just the daily grind, though. It can drive our short-term and long-term direction, and babies are along for that ride. We’re all familiar with the first tenet of parenting that people like to tout when one is with child: a baby changes everything. By that, they mean you’ll never so much as decide to walk out the door without considering this fresh creation’s needs and feelings. True, but somewhat exaggerated in its novelty, I think.
Shouldn’t we treat ourselves as gently as we do our children? Or is there some greater value in painstaking rumination when children are involved?
This is that inherent danger in wanting to indulge in urgency. Great things can come of spontaneity and a purposeful lack of foresight, but we often ignore our own need for emotional gentleness. Like anything else done in haste, there is a risk of leaving something behind. Too often, children forge ahead, while we look back at the piece of us that we left along the path to…where?
