Absence Makes the Baby Grow CuterPosted by admin on September 28th, 2009
As a newly single mom, I don’t get too many hours away from my son. I do everything from working to grocery shopping to showering with him by my side (more often, climbing on me). Although the days are punctuated with plenty of kisses and exciting new vocabulary, my threshold for one-year-old gimmicks is significantly lower than it used to be. On an average day, I am over it by 10 AM — after a few broken things, a leaking diaper or two, and at least half an hour of shrieking for no reason.
I have tried every method there is to entertain and exhaust my child, and calm myself. We go on a daily run, ride trucks up and down the sidewalk, swim in the pool, and chase the dog. Still, my sanity factor is directly proportional to the amount of time for which he closes his eyes in the afternoon and how much coffee I have been able to consume at the ideal temperature and with as little spillage as possible. There is no better method for relaxing us both than leaving him in someone else’s care for a short time.
My parents have been great about recognizing when I’m about to explode and seizing the opportunity to bond with their grandson. My dad has taken him to the beach and the park so that I can make progress on grad school applications, and my mom is here every day for bath time, bed time, and tantrum time. I am struggling to strike a balance between allowing myself to go through the tough moments with no help and leaning too heavily on those who are willing to take over.
Any parent will tell you how important it is to establish boundaries and create a healthy, respectful relationship with your toddler. I need to experience it all and have the space to follow my instincts. There are frequent moments, though, when I wonder if my lack of patience erases that possibility and if it may be better for both of us if someone with a greater patience supply steps in. Grandparents certainly have an abundance of patience with their grandchildren, if not sympathy for their children.
The most astounding thing about leaving my son for awhile is how instantaneous the stress relief can be, and how quickly the stress can return. Parenting is often about swinging from one extreme to another: overwhelming love to impossible frustration. When I escape (go to Starbucks) for a couple hours, I miss my baby and wonder what he’s doing every second. Then, I come home and get a great big hug followed by a leech-like creature stuck to my legs…and I start looking forward to my next break.
I’m interested to see how these feelings evolve over time as my son and our relationship mature. I know that you never stop being a parent, worrying like a parent, but physical separation has to be different in the early years. I have spent so few days away from my son in 21 months (plus the 8 months of pregnancy) that it’s like ripping off a Band-Aid every time I leave him. It hurts, I have to do it quickly or risk bursting into tears, and I get to cover my wound again when I have him back in my arms.
