Toddlers And Their EarsPosted by admin on February 17th, 2010
First of all, I must apologize for having been MIA for a month. I’ve been paralyzed by the long wait for grad school decisions. I have yet to hear anything, so I’ve decided that instead of obsessively checking discussion forums and application status pages, I’ll use some of my time to write about my latest parenting conundrum.
My little boy is now 25 1/2 months old, and has recently made a cognitive leap that has me scratching my head and wondering what other parents do. He listens to nearly every word I say, even when I’m not talking to him, and responds by saying or doing something related to what I was talking about. This may seem like a “duh” — that a child of two years would be fully capable of understanding the gist of adult conversations — but it’s the level of necessary adjustment in my topics and tone that has me confused.
When a baby or young child is in the room, s/he tends to be the center of attention and the object of praise. As parents, we get used to talking about the little one’s latest discoveries, frustrations, and milestones without much consideration for what the child is absorbing. Now that my son has settled into toddlerhood, he is developing empathy, curiosity, and the capacity to be embarrassed. If I am talking to a family member about something cute he did, he repeats it so they can see for themselves. If I seem upset during a phone conversation, he responds with a furrowed brow and a hug.
These reactions are exciting because they represent greater levels of personality formation, and make me even more intrigued to find out who he becomes as an older child, teenager, and adult. Yet, I waver between knowing that it is necessary for him to see or hear the truth of a situation (like an argument between me and my mom) in order to function socially, and wanting to protect him from all things negative.
Like most other aspects of parenting, this remains a gray area. I can’t lay down rules and always limit my own behavior in front of my child, but I can try to judge which conversations and interactions might be overwhelming for him. I can talk about my worries and fears in an adult way when he’s not around so that he doesn’t feel my stress so much. I can encourage his empathetic responses and explain things that might upset him. It seems to be a decision I have to make on a case-by-case basis. Right now, that’s the best answer I’ve got to the question of when to restrict my true feelings or vocalizations.
Does this get harder as kids get older? What should I be expecting in the next few years?
Where do you think we should draw the line in terms of talking about private things and about our children in front of them? Are these things damaging or essential?