My One and…Only?Posted by admin on May 16th, 2010
Those of us who are the eldest in our families were only children at some point. I was an only child for just 15 months, so I don’t remember a time when my brother wasn’t around. Now that my son has been an only child for 28 months, though, I often wonder what his life will be like if he never has any more siblings or if there is a huge age gap between him and any future half-siblings.
As the only grandson in his father’s family and the only grandchild in mine, my boy was practically royalty from the moment of his birth. Sometimes I look at all the toy vehicles lined up in the garage, the clothes spilling out of his dresser, and the trains I trip on in the middle of the night, and leap to the conclusion that there is no avoiding Only Child Syndrome. I fear that he will have a life that is too easy, but also want to provide him with that. Many parents go through this and have to learn to set boundaries from the get-go, but is it really worse with only children?
The truth is: we probably never know the answer. Each parent has either one child or more than one child, so it’s hard to see the other side and imagine if life would be simpler or more difficult, better or worse. Our birth order and the number of siblings we have is just one factor that shapes our lives. While parents’ decisions about family size can define a childhood, they don’t have to mold an adulthood.
Perhaps I am preoccupied with the only-child circumstance for stereotypical reasons: because I fear that my child will be “spoiled” or selfish no matter what I teach him. Or it could be because I never wanted to have only one child. Whatever the reason, I go back and forth between loving the idea of having him as my baby forever, my little buddy, and yearning to give him a friend for life and meet whatever other little people I have yet to produce. Separating the latter urge from mere baby fever, which tends to arise when you battle a toddler 24/7, is the hard part.
In my single-mom situation, the reality of having more children lies rather far in the future. As with any major life event, it will happen if it happens and all will be fine whether my hijo remains my only one or not.
What’s your experience? Is the spoiled only child a myth or a reality?
May 29th, 2010 at 5:37 pm
I too have a 25 month old and I’m making an effort to speak strictly in spanish (my native tongue) although this makes my learning the local language more difficult (Croatian)but back to your question: I too wonder about the ‘spoiled’ syndrome because we are still unsure (hubby and I) when will we have a second child as the time is passing by and our daughter is just as spoiled, since she is the first grandaughter on my hubby’s side. But I have a few friends who are an only child and they grew up being generous and very nice people. I think it has to do with the parents and from what I read, you sound like an awsome MOM! and don’t be too hard on yourself..
sorry for the long comment.
July 7th, 2010 at 2:35 am
Ay, ay, ay! The single child dilemma is rising to new proportions in my house. We had been saying all along that there’s no way we would have another one since the last 3 years had been very challenging in so many ways. But now that my daughter is almost 3 and she is asking and asking for a bebé it has us wondering if we should do it for her. It really would be for her. Who really knows what’s best for her? Maybe being an only child offers her more opportunities in life since we’ll be more financially able to afford some to her.
Or maybe it’s not about that.
OK..I could go on and on.
It’s definitely not an easy decision to make.
August 6th, 2010 at 11:30 am
Hey, just wanted to drop a line and say i like your blog. As my son nears his fourth birthday i wonder the same thing for a few reasons…
1)as an only child surrounded by adults he gets a disproportionate amount of attention and I’ve always felt it will be good for him to have siblings someday.
2) As i near thirty, i wonder will i ever marry and have more children, the family i dream of?
3) since my son is special needs i think about his needs when I am old and gone, and hope that he has siblings to watch out for him and keep him company.
There are times I feel saddened for myself and my child if I never marry and have more children. Other times I feel guilty for thinking that, since I know too many women who can’t have any children, so I should be grateful for my family, little as it is. But its helpful to know other moms wonder and struggle with the same things.